Navigate the family gatherings and festive events with ease

By Anna Albright - Harpers Bazaar

Christmas comes round every year, and it's not a surprise, so you can prepare yourself. Any anxiety or anticipation about how it may turn out will be based on previous experience. Taking your concerns on-board will give you the opportunity to plan an enjoyable festive season.

Make a new tradition and do what YOU want

I often ask my patients – what would you do if your parents were no longer alive? The answer often surprises them. Even as adults we often feel bound by duty and tradition, which is completely normal, unless the circumstances surrounding it are causing serious problems – such as, anxiety, insomnia or eating disorders.

If a family gathering is not what you feel comfortable with, make your own plans. Explain that you would rather do something different. You are not rejecting your family, you are just updating your Christmas operating system and taking a fresh approach.

• Anticipate the reaction will be mixed and see that as a sign that you will be missed.

• Give good notice that you want to do break with tradition, so that everyone can prepare for your absence.

• If you want to be with family, but don't like the way it's 'done' then come up with an alternative plan, a new tradition, and invite everyone to join with you and do it 'your way'. If this is rejected then revert to the above.

Same day, different experience

Remember Christmas takes up about 72 hours out of the year. You can get through it by counting the hours or making the best of the hours. If you are a guest – be prepared to be an active and engaged guest – don't just sit down and expect others to entertain you. You'll get far more out of the experience if you are involved and contribute. And there's nothing a host loves more than a good guest.

As a host, plan to be a guest at your own Christmas gathering. This might seem easier said than done, but it will help you enjoy the experience too. If you are prone to controlling behaviour – there could be flashpoints if guests are not behaving as you wish.

Keeping a healthy perspective is essential. So what if Aunt Betty is eating all the canapes and Uncle Bob has cornered your next door neighbour? And does it really matter if everyone is crammed in the kitchen which is a chaos compared to the decorated living room?

If you're on your own

If you have not been invited anywhere or have chosen to spend the time alone then try to focus on your experience not what the rest of the world is doing. Plan what you will do with your time whether it's reading, watching box sets, going for a long walk or helping out at a dog shelter (or similar good works). Make the day count and make it one that you will enjoy.

If the crowd's big

If big crowds are not your thing, focus on talking to one or two people and don't try to work the room. Keep in mind that we love it when people take an interest in us, so if you're really stuck for small talk, ask questions! It might be a big crowd but it's no reason to be a passive guest – seek out the host and see if you can assist so that your focus is diverted into doing something.

Take time out

The house is noisy and there's a constant stream of guests. If you feel fractious or exhausted by talking and socialising, find a calm space to get away from it all, albeit temporarily. If you are staying at home then retreat to your room and take ten minutes to clear your head before you re-join the throng. Any longer and you're likely to embrace the solitude and not want to get back at all!

Beware of excess alcohol

Who hasn't had a little stiffener before meeting complete strangers/long-distance relatives? Like everything else in life, alcohol is wonderful at boosting courage and confidence when consumed moderately.

Most of us know our own tipping point so if you are concerned about consuming too much, announce your intentions to the host at the start of the party/visit so that you are more likely to stick to it – and they are more likely to bypass you with refills.

Be aware of any medication which may be contraindicated with alcohol. If you overindulge in the hospitality then take yourself outside, especially if you feel that you are spoiling for an altercation. Alcohol is a disinhibitor, so any simmering family niggles are more likely to surface when drunk to excess.

Get outside

You've heard of cabin fever? There's also Christmas fever. Staying inside with friends and family for three days can have your temperature rise. Take a walk every day to have a change of scene and help clear your head. It doesn't have to be a hike but long enough for you to breathe in fresh air and to feel invigorated. The brain is a muscle and responds well to working out with fresh oxygen too.

And remember to ask yourself whether you would miss this if it never happened again. You may be more sentimental than you think.

Helping Creatives

The stats say 1 in 4 of us will experience mental illness in our lifetime, however, what they rarely say is creatives carry a bigger share of that risk. A health.com list of professions most likely to suffer depression put creatives at number 6, right alongside nurses, doctors and teachers.

The list of creatives is long and includes JK Rowling, Winston Churchill, Lady Gaga, Tracey Emin and Tchaikovsky. These are people whose work has moved millions, and who privately struggled in ways many of us will recognise.

Why the correlation? Are people with mood disorders drawn to the arts? Does creative freedom attract more sensitive personalities? Or is it the job itself: the unsocial hours, the financial uncertainty, the pressure to perform?

We can theorise, however, knowing why only goes so far. What matters the most is how to deal with it.

As a cognitive behaviour therapist, I have some suggestions.

STAY CONNECTED

As a musician, you may spend long stretches of time alone. If you're mentally unwell, making the effort to connect with others isn't a luxury. It's part of managing the illness. Mental illness thrives on isolation. Connection starves it.

GET TING HELP HELPS

The rest of the medical profession treats mental illness as a physical illness. It's time musicians did too. It's not rare, it's not a personal failing, and crucially, it's treatable.

Two kinds of professionals do most of this work: psychotherapists, who use talk therapy to teach you skills and untangle unhelpful thinking patterns, and psychiatrists, who can do the same and also prescribe medication where needed. Both have their place. Talk therapy builds lasting skills. Medication eases symptoms. Often the two work best together.

THE CREATIVITY QUESTION

Creatives commonly resist taking medication treat mental illness and often due of particular fear: that treating the illness will dull their sensitivity, flatten their emotional range, or somehow take away what makes them creative. It's an understandable worry, and it deserves a straight answer.

Mental illness isn't the same as your creativity. It isn't the source of your talent, even if it's sometimes felt that way. Left untreated, what it can do is become so debilitating that work becomes impossible. Treatment doesn't take away what makes you an artist. It gives you back the capacity to be one.

REJECT STIGMA

Mental illness is real, and it isn't choosy. It affects people indiscriminately, has zero reflection of our personality, it’s not contagious most important to remember is you can’t give it to yourself, meaning it’s not your fault!!

The good news is that understanding is increasing and stigma is fading. People are talking about it, raising money for it, putting it on the public and political agenda.

And if you are tempted to think less of yourself in anyway due to mental illness, resist. Illness whether above the neck says nothing about who you are.